Just sorting stuff out

Keep people in your life that truly love you, motivate you, inspire you, enhance you, & make you happy. If you have people who do none of the above, let them go.

I miss Adam. I see couples on campus, holding hands, etc & it just makes me miss him more. I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up about me and him, but I do. He could easily leave. Hell, he could easily cheat once he leaves boot. But hey, so could I (I won’t of course). But I know I have to believe that he will be faithful and remain faithful. And over all, as long as I am faithful then nothing else should matter. I really do like him. I just hope that if cheating ever crosses his mind then he will just leave before he does so. I’d rather be left than cheated on. I’ve been cheated on too many times. I’m tired of being played. I just want to be loved, especially by someone who won’t deceive me. And if he did leave me, I would eventually be okay. Surprisingly, at the age of nineteen I have learned that before I could be happy with anyone else then I have to be happy with myself. After about eight years or so of not exactly liking myself. I learned to accept myself because there will not always be someone to “love” or care for me.

“When one door closes, sometimes you want to get a hammer and nails to make sure that bitch stays shut.” This year has become a big wake up call. I realized I was with my ex because I got comfy and I got too use to being with him. Everything seemed easier just to stay with him instead of ending the relationship. We weren’t happy together, we didn’t see eye to eye anymore, and we didn’t get along. Small things turned into big things and the big problems we hid from each other or pushed them aside completely. He ended it technically. I cried for a week. I thought my life was “over”, I didn’t think any guy would care for me again. The guy I had given everything to, didn’t want to be with me and he suddenly didn’t know his feelings for me anymore after two years of being in a relationship. So yeah, I felt pretty shitty. After a week of him literally toying with my feelings. I called it quits and I was done with him completely, and I still am. He isn’t worth my tears anymore, he is not worth the pain.

“You know my name, not my story. You’ve heard what I’ve done, not what I’ve been through. If you were in my shoes, you would fall after the first step.” Yes, I am a different person now. Now, I am able to express myself the way I want to. I don’t have to ask anyone for their approval. All my ex  ever tried to do was change me. I didn’t realize that until one of my close friend’s mom pointed it out and she was most definitely right. Now, I am happy. The only reason I cry now is because I miss Adam, my boyfriend. And I’m not a crazy girlfriend who is head over heels for this boy after a month. He has been my friend for six years and I have to admit, I have liked him since I really became his friend freshman year. I miss his presence, his smile, and his laugh. When him and I became friends freshman year, I wasn’t who I am today, but he has witnessed me from then till now. He has always accepted me for who I was, never once tried to change me. He accepts the fact that I curse constantly, that I have tattoos, that I have different views from him, and so many more things, but overall, we see eye to eye. He accepts me for me and that’s all I ask and that’s all that matters.

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About maybemiranda

21. Wife. Student.
This entry was posted in military love, ranting, relationships and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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