Weight off my shoulders

For the past week I have been dealing with some crazy emotions. I have no idea why I was being the way I was besides stressing because of finals and missing Adam. I have been literally on a emotional roller coaster that was even beginning to interfere with mine and Adam’s relationship. I had been hearing recently about how multiple Marine guys end up leaving their girlfriends because they want to chase tail wherever they are stationed and after hearing it so much or hearing about all the Cammie Chasers, I was not exactly thinking good and happy thoughts. I had let all that the girls on certain Milso pages, get under my skin and upset me to the point where I messaged Adam all kinds of upset and worried that he was going to leave me. This is what I messaged him: “Baby, I miss you so much… You told me that when I’m upset that you want me to tell you.. Well, This week has been a rough week for me.. Tonight, all I can seem to do is cry and cry. I wish you were here to just make me feel better and to remind me that everything will be okay. I feel so alone, like my friends don’t understand how I feel at all anymore. I can’t talk to Megan about my feelings. Connor doesn’t understand but he’s tries so hard. He was here earlier and Megan had gone outside to talk to her mom and Connor and I were talking, I eventually ended up crying and he just let me talk and hugged me until I stopped crying. And then I was reading stuff that girls were posting about their Marines and what y’alls brothers say and it just upset me, because I just, I worry that you’re gonna leave me or feel “chained down” and you’re gonna go find someone else that you can just mess around with. I know you’re not that kind of guy but I’m just scared. I care so much for you and every time I care for someone, they leave. And I don’t want you to leave me..I just pray that you at least have half of an idea of how much I feel towards you. I love you Adam.”
Now, how this poor guy deals with my shit…. I will never know. He was not happy with me for even thinking this way or letting those girls under my skin. I know better and he even told me that I SHOULD know better.. Whoops babe, I’m sorry. But I am a typical girl in a relationship that fucking panics because I love you. But I know I should not think that way and I am going to stop. Especially for the health of mine and Adam’s relationship. I do not want to lose him because I act stupid and get upset and practically accuse him of thinking things just because other Marines have done it. He is not them. They are definitely not him. Adam talked to me about all this on the phone this weekend and thank God he knocked some sense into me. I’m so glad to have him. He made me realized that he does feel strongly for me and I need to accept that and not sit here and think otherwise. He is who I want to be with and I need to let myself love him without fear of heartbreak because if I sit here in fear I am more likely to lose him. After mine and Adam’s talk about this subject and about multiple other subjects that were bothering me, I feel so relieved and so happy. I am so glad that I can actually communicate in my relationship, yes I still fear answers that I am not ready for but that is a part of a relationship. Communicating and getting answers. I try not to count the days now because I feel like it will drag me down but I think I am going to have to start. I am hoping it will help me not feel like each day drags. It is ridiculous how a day without him feels like years, but a day with him only felt like seconds. I cannot wait to see Adam again.
God, keep Adam and his brothers safe.

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About maybemiranda

21. Wife. Student.
This entry was posted in military love, relationships. Bookmark the permalink.

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