I always tell people that I hate crying. Most of my life, I have cried. As a baby, it is something you do, but I did not. My mother will preach that I was the best baby ever and never cried. When I turned ten years old I became more emotional, mainly because of the whole “I’m getting closer to becoming a woman”, and when I became a woman is when the tears began to flood my life even more. I mainly cried over how people hurt me. Especially with relationships, I cried, a lot. I would cry myself to sleep a lot of the time in high school for reasons, even 8 months ago, I cried quite a bit.
These tears that I cry now are different though. They aren’t because someone has hurt me or no longer loves me. I cry because I miss the one I love. Yeah, I still hate crying but it is mainly because I do not like people seeing me cry. I feel ugly when I cry because my face gets all red and probably will eventually get puffy. No one is pretty looking that way lol. I swear, I do not understand how I am even functioning at this point in life. I have never been with a person that my relationship consists more of us being apart than being together. I am just so lucky that I knew Adam before our relationship, I feel so much better just reminding myself that we have been in each other’s lives for such a good amount of time. I do not understand it though, I hate to admit it but I am clingy. I know I am. I am not exactly happy about it, but once I found someone I really wanted to be with….How could I not be clingy? I’m going to want that person around me all the time and talking to me all the time, but I do not get the privilege.
This is a new path for me. I have known this from the day I fucking realized I really liked Adam and wanted to be with him, but I never imagined all this. I am always the girl with the plan, the one who has to have everything figured out way before it happens and for once in my life…. I went into something completely blindfolded and it scares me.. and it makes me so happy, which scares me even more.
I forgot what being happy felt like..and then I started dating Adam..and within a month, I didn’t want to let him go..but I had to. He was gone for three months and my life flipped upside down. I got to see him for ten glorious days and then he was gone again.. and he’ll be gone for a while.
I cry a lot, but not because I’m hurt. My tears are because love and happiness. Let’s just say: I don’t hate crying as much now.