I recently decided that life is too short to be dealing with a lot of the shit that I have been dealing with. I’ve lived nineteen years on this Earth and I am already fed up with quite a bit and quite a bit of people. I hate no one, but I have decided that there are just certain people I do not need in my life anymore. Either because we have become distant or because of other reasons. With many people I fight for our friendship or relationship of some sort, but I come to realize, I am the only one fighting. The only one that cares to keep these relationships and friendships. Relationships of any sorts are a two way street and I am tired of being on the two way street that is only going one way. One person can only give so much effort.
I have known most of my friends for multiple years. I grew up in my small hometown and many of my friends never moved. It’s sad when I can sit here and say I am lonely, even with many by my side.
That is when you know a friendship is over, when you are the only one trying, there is only one way communication: you. Not them, you get NOTHING from them. I have done nothing wrong in my eyes, hell I don’t even know if I did a damn thing. But for whatever reasons you have, they do not matter to me now. I know who I have. And I know who I don’t have anymore:
When you are supposed to be close friends or best friends with a person. You have to understand that the other is not always going to do something you like. You have to accept what they have done and go one with life. A few of my friends were not happy when I started dating Adam, for multiple reasons. One of my ‘friends’ dated Adam when we were in high school, even though she knew I liked him at the time. When she found out he and I had just started dating, her response to it was: “Oh… you’re with Adam now? hmmm, okay.” I know how she is, I know where she was going with it. People always say there is a ‘guy code’ and a ‘girl code’. Well, fuck them both, especially when your friend did not stick to it in the first place. Especially when I was the only one who did stick to it. There were so many times Jennifer lied to me, went behind my back, went against this stupid made up code, but when I finally did. I am shunned. We talk very rarely. We were supposed to be best friends, but she stopped talking, hanging out, and caring about me. So it is my turn to do the same. I do not want to be friends with someone who will date a guy, who is actually a nice guy, who is a father, who works hard and takes care of her, lets him stay with her, never gets mad at her, but then try to cheat on him with one of my friends, I do not think so. I am kaput with all of her shit.
One of my other ‘friends’ practically disappeared when I started dating Adam. Literally *poof* did not hear from this person for months. Pissed off at me for not dating him instead. This guy told me his feelings for me right after Sheldon and I broke up. Tried taking me out on dates, but I always told him no. The only time I chose to hang out with him is because he invited me to a party that my friends Josh and Jonathon were going to be at. I missed my stupid Kyle friends and he used that against me. And of course, I went and he tried stuff. Luckily, Jonathon-to-the-rescue demanded I play drunken pool with him the rest of the night until I had to go back to my apartment. Raul took me home and insisted I be his girlfriend, I turned him down nicely, and went inside. He visited me sometime around Christmas and gave me my present, once again he tried, and I told him to leave. I haven’t seen him since and have only spoken to him a handful of times. I realized he is only a friend when he can gain something from it. Well, he is never going to gain me and I think after five years of him trying he finally realized that.