I am literally sitting here just shaking my head while thinking about one of my friends. I swear that some of the people I associate myself with just do not think. I should not talk, I know there are something I go on about that are very hypocritical, but I learn from my mistakes, and it seems like she never does. I realize there are somethings that people just should not do. There is a line of going way too far, and half the time, you should not cross it. Jumping from one relationship to another or friends with benefits, one after another, screws you up. It confuses your mind, body, and soul. I know this from experience, a lot of people do actually, and that is not good. I never took it to the extreme of sleeping with every guy I have dated. I kept my virginity till I was out of hell, I mean, high school. And it is still weird to say that. I am not proud about who it was with, but it at a certain point, was not even my choice. After that, I could have been shady and just go from guy to guy, but I did not. Options are always out there, but I love myself too much to put myself through the emotional scarring that I would be causing onto myself. People do not realize that cheating is not just hurting the person you cheated on, it hurts yourself also. I have a friend who is always giving herself to some guy, just because she likes him. Her thought process is: Why not? I like him, might as well. And if he wants a relationship, maybe. But if we do get in a relationship, I will still flirt, talk to and fuck who I want. (The sad part is that she has actually said this to me).
My thought process is: You should be with someone you love, give yourself to that person and only that person. Do not go behind their back. Be faithful, be sincere.
We grew up together, we have experienced life together. When did our thought process become so different? Where did MY friend go? Because I have a hard time recognizing this girl when I see her. She is not the same person I met in 7th grade. Not the girl I used to confine in. I never say anything personal to her anymore. I have tried talking to her. I have cried in front of her, explaining my worries about her. Nothing gets through and I doubt anything ever will. My friend is gone. I won’t give up on her though, I never do, even when it feels like that is the only option. I will just wait and see where this chaos will unfold. I miss my old friend.