I am irrational, I can be a bitch, but dammit I try my hardest not to be either of those things but I am so tired of people not caring about me. It fucking hurts. I care so much about others who do not seem to give even the tiniest fuck about me OR they do give a fuck- a small fuck compared to the big fuck that I give about them. It is exhausting to always try to make myself feel better, nah it’s okay he’s just y’know….too busy to care about you right now. Oh he rather do this than talk to me…oh, I am fucking pointless. I am only good for “love”. Or I am only good for when someone else has a problem, when they need to talk, when they need something. I only matter when I am convenient. Wooo. <– there is me being ‘irrational’ again but dammit, this is how I feel sometimes. I should not let people have such control over me. I shouldn’t, but I do and then I keep seeing stupid posts, quotes, etc and they make me feel ten times worse because it’s all about people who don’t fucking care. I have shitty friends, etc… what is the fucking point of keeping these friendships when it’s always about them? When they need someone to talk to, I am there. When they need something, or want something, I try to get it for them. For once I want that. For once I want to be that selfish ass person who doesn’t consider others but I can’t be. Which just makes it hurt ten times more.
Here are those quotes that keep bothering the fuck outta me:
“When she worries about you, it means she cares. When she stop caring, that’s when you should be worried.”
“Stop letting people who do so little for you, control so much of your mind, feelings, and emotions.”
“Isn’t it sad when you get hurt so much, you can finally say ‘I am used to it’.”
“Your life is better when you realize it is better to be alone than to chase people who do not really care about you.”
People tell me they love me. They tell me they are sorry. They tell me, I won’t do it again.
I think that is what hurts the most.
Because they say these things….and they never actually follow through, they are never really sorry. They do things again over and over. They never change. And it hurts to hear that they love me but they still put me through all these things, over and over again. I was always told if you love someone, you don’t hurt them.. and it just hurts and I am tired. Tired of feeling like I am not appreciated by anyone.