My real superman had been diagnosed with lung cancer last winter. My grandpa has been through hell and back all his life. He is the only man I know that has never given up, the only man I know who has been a working man from a young age until his age of 78. He has been an electrician, he has worked in mines, wells, factories, and construction. He has been electrocuted and even the doctors were surprised he lived, he had scars on his hands and feet from the accident. He has gotten his arm and then his body pulled through a machine while working in a factory – he only walked away wearing a sling. He was in the Army in his younger days, he has gone to war, and came out in one piece. Any job that he could do with his hands – he did it. Even after his was diagnosed, this man went back to work until he could no longer have the strength to. He is my superman. This 4’11” man has never let anything bring him down, he has never let anything stop him. The cancer had not spread from what we were aware of since last winter, which at the time, he only had a mass in his lung. Him and my grandmother recently moved into a new place, and he had an accident, he fell and it was bad enough to take him to the hospital. They did other tests and found out that instead of one mass, he then had four and that the cancer is now in his bloodstream. The nurse told him he had two weeks to live. Since then he has fallen two other times. He did not want the family to worry, but I think once he noticed he was not getting any better, he finally allowed my grandmother to tell some of the family of the condition he is in.
Tuesday night is when my mother and I found out about the nurses estimate of life for my grandpa. Yesterday, we drove to see him and spent the day with him and I have never seen him in such a state of weakness. Yesterday had been one of his worst days. We are planning on going back to see him again next week since he lives two hours away. I don’t want my grandpa to go, but I know he is suffering. No matter how hard he tries, we can see it in his face and in his struggle. My superman will always be my superman, that will never change.
I just keep telling myself that I have to hold it all together, but the second I am alone – I break down sobbing. I want to be strong for my grandpa and for everyone else even though most have no idea what is going on in my life right now. I just, I can’t let anyone really know how I am feeling, I can’t let myself break down in front of anyone. Yes, I cried to my roommate a little but I only let her know because I knew she would notice my absence the other day. The only person I have really broken down into tears with is my boyfriend Adam who I got to quickly speak to last night. I have spoken to a few others about it, but only because it was somewhat of a necessity. I cannot give up, I have to hold it together, I have to continue being positive even though I am a realist to the core. I know what is going to happen, but I cannot give up hope. He is strong. He holds true strength.