I don’t know what is wrong with me at this point. I have been in and out of bed all day, crying on and off all day. Maybe I am just in a “funk”, maybe it is because I have such this empty feeling that I don’t know what to do with anymore, maybe because of my nightmares that I keep having about abusive ex boyfriend or the nightmares about losing Adam. I do not know what to do. I feel like anything I say is followed with empty emotions. I can’t tell if my relationship is really okay at this point. I might just be psyching myself out because I will see him next month, after being away from each other for eight months, and I am frightened that he won’t feel the same for me when he sees me. I do not know why, but it is a fear I have. I have my shitty self esteem along with my shitty self confidence that I swore were getting better. I just want these negative feelings to go away but I do not know how to get rid of them anymore. They just keep hitting me.