If I must, I will.

Over thinking kills happiness. What a solid, blunt understatement. With that, I follow with, I am an over-thinker. I never stop thinking and I am chronically unhappy. Now I am not blaming my unhappiness on my overthinking but it definitely is a common factor in most things that upset me. When bad things happen, when something is bothering me, when something has gone wrong, I start my overthinking and it becomes an enormous problem. The little speck that was bothering me, or ruining my day has transformed into a giant puddle stain of hell. I will take something said and twist it to the worst outcome. Why? Because when something good happens, something worse is to follow. I often fight myself with whether I am a pessimist or a realist. Half the time I cannot decide, the other half – I don’t think I want to know. I would much rather be a realist. I do see good in some things, but then there are times where I cannot find a drop of happiness in my cup of life. I think I am somewhat getting over my over thinking spell, there has been some shit that has happened lately and I have been over thinking quite a bit, but I am starting to let things go sooner than I use to. I still have my million trust issues and my inner walls have shot back up again so, a lot is going to have to happen first before I am okay again. I realized that I cannot let things bother me that won’t matter to me in a few years, and if those things do matter to me in the future-it will ruin what I have now. I have to trust people who I am not sure I can deem trustworthy at the moment, but as the saying goes. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. If I have been fooled this time, trust me, if another thing happens – I will be gone. I will not stay around and be taking advantage of, I will not be used, I will not be naive, I will not let someone do all that shit to me again. I have been broken plenty of times, I can take a few more heartbreaks if I must.

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About maybemiranda

21. Wife. Student.
This entry was posted in Life, ranting, relationships. Bookmark the permalink.

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