I need Adam to come back home.
I feel like I am withering away without him.
Each time he comes home, the more of me he takes with him. It is started to get harder..
Especially when life is constantly pulling me down. I have been offered my summer internship again (the one I did this previous summer), they want me back. I don’t want to go back though, but the thing is, internships “matter”, they “look
good on your resume”, “it will be better for you and Adam in the long run”, that is all I ever hear. The truth sucks sometimes. Of course, the main reason I don’t want to go is because I either won’t see Adam or I won’t see him a lot at all and that fucking breaks my heart.
I know, I shouldn’t base my choices on him, because well… He’s off doing his thing… and I’m just here…. crying.
It isn’t his fault, him being away, but being alone, not having him here, it sucks. It hurts.
I try to keep busy with friends, and like the typical college kid, I am taking up drinking again. Sorta, but not a lot. I miss having fun I guess. “You don’t have to drink to have fun,” that was my motto while I was growing up, but sometimes, I even have to admit I am wrong. Yeah, it’s a crutch and yeah, I am sad. So drinking probably isn’t the best option, but fuck it. Maybe that is how my father started fucking up. with his “fuck it” attitude. I mean, he did get kicked out of college…. the college I decided to attend.
I look at the ring on my finger and it is the only reason I keep going forward sometimes, for Adam and I.
I need him and I hope he needs me just as much.
So far, life is fucking sucking. Especially since my right knee has been screwed up for the past week. All pain and no gain. I dropped my jogging class earlier today because I figured if the pain won’t go away then there is no point of being in a class that I can’t participate in with full effort. I will just have to start working out more, -cue laughter-. We will see. I just need to avoid making my knee worse.
Just finished my first lesson for CIS, my computer class I am taking, and oh man. I better work my ass off so I can do good in this class.
Alright, I’m out.