My thoughts: I think I just want to be left alone for a while and do my own thing. Time to focus on myself for a bit✋ because right now, people in my life just aren’t cutting it.
Adam isn’t here and I don’t want anyone else.
“Loneliness is dangerous. It’s addicting. Once you have seen how peaceful it is, you don’t want to deal with people.”
I don’t know what’s going on. With me, my relationship, or anything. I’m upset. Adam and I were on the phone tonight and I just don’t know anymore. All I did was cry. I want to be with him, with all my heart and being. But I feel so broken right now. I don’t know if he really wants to be with me or if he just likes the idea of me here, waiting on him. But I’m not perfect, my face is streaked with tears at all times. Since him and I got off the phone I managed to live through watching some movies with my roommate. Went right back to my room, and started crying.
I want a normal relationship with Adam. I want to see him everyday. I don’t want to have to cry myself to sleep at night. I want him to come home to me. I don’t want him to be Marine anymore 😭 I just want him to come home…. I’m so tired of being lonely. I’m tired of being addicted to it, and to the pain that eventually creeps in with it. It is peaceful and heartbreaking at the same time. I don’t want it to be like this forever.
I’m tired of this empty bed. No amount of pillows could ever replace him. No one can make me feel as happy as I am when he is next to me. I can’t be without him. And it’s hurting me more and more each day to have to be.
Find what you love and let it kill you.