Silence -this week has been the worst. 

A week of silence from my husband’s end. He has been in the field training. And I need him now the most. 

During this week of silence I traveled with my grandparents to visit my father in Colorado from our home state of Texas. We drove and arrived there on our fourth day of traveling. Spent some time with him. He was called to an on site job in Albuquerque so we headed out the same day and we are here. 

Now, to someone who knows nothing about my family, this sounds great. There is always a downside with my family. 

My father wasn’t around when I was younger and continued that tradition throughout high school and even to this point in our lives. 

Why I still bother? Well he is my dad…. I love him…. And that’s all I can come up with. Besides those things? I don’t know why I bother anymore. 

I’m mainly upset because I knew he had a girlfriend who is living with him. I was not aware that she has four children, three of which visit my father and her often. These kids were there while we were in Colorado. I had to witness my father play family with people who aren’t his actual family and it killed me. He never came around. He wasn’t there when I needed him. He wasn’t a father. He was a drug addict who only cared about himself and didn’t even notice when I left to go hang out with friends. He attended my high school graduation and then I didn’t see or hear from him for a year and a half. He was put in rehab, I thought it would help, I went to visit him. I told him how I felt about everything he had done, put himself through, and what he put me and my grandparents through. Once he got out, he went right back to the life he had been living before. Then he up and moved to Colorado, didn’t even tell anyone. He won’t respond to most phone calls or texts. He don’t try to see eye to eye. He didn’t even try to go to my wedding. My grandpa offered to help him pay to get here, and then offered to completely pay his way-which I was unaware of until recently. It’s just been heartbreaking. We came up to visit with him for his birthday and after this, I don’t think I can ever come back here. I’m so tired of trying and never getting the same back from him. 

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About maybemiranda

21. Wife. Student.
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