I was reminiscing with my nonbiological sister Nikki about how much of a bitch I was in middle school after my parents divorced and that I eventually evened out. I’m obviously still holding onto my bitch card but I’m nicer overall.
I began to think how Adam and I were both lucky that he met me after that whole ordeal I was going through. I don’t know if he would have dealt with it back then since we were so young. Which of course just makes me miss him. This month, I’ll be seeing him for the first time in seven months. I’m nervous and I don’t understand it. He’s my husband, he’s my best friend, he knows everything about me yet I still get anxious to see him. I like it though. It makes me smile.
When our lives are overflowing with love, it becomes all too easy to take that love for granted.
Source: Maybe We Need To Be Lonely Sometimes
I want your eye contact when we speak. No video games. No cell phones. No computer screens. Just me and you, your brown eyes locked on my face.
Source: I’m A Spoiled Brat Because I Want You To Love Me As Much As I Love You
I miss my husband. I really need my best friend back. It is hard going without talking to him. I’ve been keeping myself as busy as possible. Drowning myself in school work and just not letting my mind wander. I am taking two workout classes that I really enjoy, they are whipping my ass into shape which makes me feel better due to the fact that I view myself as overweight. I’m not huge but I’m not where I want to be.
Recently, I’ve been to the doctor quite a bit. Tomorrow I have an appointment with a throat doctor because I have a thyroid nodule… It’s like a lump on my thyroid and it is apparently bigger than a centimeter so it needs to be looked at. This freaks me out because I have no idea what is it, what is can do to me, or how this doctor is going to help me. I don’t know how “bad” this is, and I won’t know until….a while after this appointment tomorrow I guess.
I’m just not having the best week I guess. I just keep trying to remind myself that I’m getting closer to seeing Adam again and that’s all that matters <3.
I love you and miss you so much babe.
Posted in Life, military love
Tagged deployment, husband, marine wife, marines, military, military love, nodule, one day closer, school, thyroid
A week of silence from my husband’s end. He has been in the field training. And I need him now the most.
During this week of silence I traveled with my grandparents to visit my father in Colorado from our home state of Texas. We drove and arrived there on our fourth day of traveling. Spent some time with him. He was called to an on site job in Albuquerque so we headed out the same day and we are here.
Now, to someone who knows nothing about my family, this sounds great. There is always a downside with my family.
My father wasn’t around when I was younger and continued that tradition throughout high school and even to this point in our lives.
Why I still bother? Well he is my dad…. I love him…. And that’s all I can come up with. Besides those things? I don’t know why I bother anymore.
I’m mainly upset because I knew he had a girlfriend who is living with him. I was not aware that she has four children, three of which visit my father and her often. These kids were there while we were in Colorado. I had to witness my father play family with people who aren’t his actual family and it killed me. He never came around. He wasn’t there when I needed him. He wasn’t a father. He was a drug addict who only cared about himself and didn’t even notice when I left to go hang out with friends. He attended my high school graduation and then I didn’t see or hear from him for a year and a half. He was put in rehab, I thought it would help, I went to visit him. I told him how I felt about everything he had done, put himself through, and what he put me and my grandparents through. Once he got out, he went right back to the life he had been living before. Then he up and moved to Colorado, didn’t even tell anyone. He won’t respond to most phone calls or texts. He don’t try to see eye to eye. He didn’t even try to go to my wedding. My grandpa offered to help him pay to get here, and then offered to completely pay his way-which I was unaware of until recently. It’s just been heartbreaking. We came up to visit with him for his birthday and after this, I don’t think I can ever come back here. I’m so tired of trying and never getting the same back from him.